What I found

I thought I lost you, but really it was I who was lost. Blinded by temptation, by greed, by fear. The world told me it was not meant to be, so I closed my eyes and soon I couldn't see. You had disappeared, and why shouldn't you. I had spent all my time pretending you away. Denying your very existence. I had hoped and wished for something different so that I could be like everyone else. Not realizing that I was giving up the the core of me, the very best you see. But temptation caught me, it played me a fool. And I allowed it, I let it and even welcomed it. I'm ashamed at how easy it was, giving you up I mean. By the time I woke up and realized what i had done, by the time temptations glass promise was shattered and shown for what it was. You had disappeared, and so I set out to find you. I started first by discarding my rose stained glass and saw the world for what it was. Oh what beauty, what ugliness, happiness and sadness. Then I opened my ears to the sounds of the world. And listened for the first time, I listened to the birds, the breeze, to man. And realized that now I must now break out of my clothed prison. I must cleanse away the idea's of this societal condition. So I walked into the forest of the unknown, with open eyes, open ears and a freed body. Certain that now I would find you. But still something was a miss. What was it I wondered, what was this thing that I was missing. And as I pondered, by the lake, my tongue became loose and my thoughts fell from my lips. I had spoken the truth, and in my shock I glanced down, ashamed at what I had done. Why did I break out of the mask, Why had I dropped my act. Expose my self to the world. And to my shock, their on the lake, staring back at me was you, was me.
kiss kiss

Describing...Finding...Doubting...and just Ranting

You know what I hate... I really hate it when people ask you to describe your self. Like really how can any individual do it, truthfully I mean. Wouldn't people only share those things about themselves that puts them in the best light. It's not like people go around telling people that they have anger management issues, or that they are little quick to judge. Or really any horrible trait about themselves. And as for how we perceive ourselves well is that really accurate. Isn't our notion of ourselves shaped by the beliefs of those around us. If people think we're good, then we think we're good. But if people think we are bad, then well even if don't think we're bad, even if we know there wrong. Don't we absorb some of it. But to take it even a step further, how do we know what people really think of us anyways. It's not like there are a lot of brutally honest people in this world anyways. So in the end, isn't our perception of ourselves, just a mirror of how we think others perceive us. I can never figure out how to answer those questions. And exactly how much to revel. Do I talk about my childhood, who in spite of my best efforts has in a way shaped me into the person I am becoming. Do I mention my hopes for the future, that i don't clearly see. What exactly is the correct question, how do you sum up a person anyways. Aren't we a little to complicated to be sumed up in such few words, or sentences. Because we are always changing, every decision, every breath, every minuet we live is so different from the last. I once read that you could never enter the same river twice, because both you and the river would be so changed by the first experience. So really people and questionnaires stop asking us to describe ourselves and start asking us to discover ourselves because only in finding our true selves, cleansed of both people's and even ourselves perception can we hope to maybe someday describe who we are...although I doubt it(did any one else notice how much i used the word ourselves in this blog...sheesh maybe it's time i invested in a thesaurus huh!)

Kiss Kiss

THE TRUTH.....

Wow!!!! Never in a million years did I ever think that I'd be blogging....to me blogging is for people with stories, who have done things....actually lived. And I well I never though I'd get the chance to. You see I was raised in a very strict Sunni Muslim household. And my father god bless his soul...well he never gave me the chance to live. Everything about my life was planned, and picked for me. I was never allowed the chance to speak to voice my thoughts...but now i can...i guess I'm a coward for choosing this...but hey stick around and maybe you'll understand why it is that I've resorted to blogging instead of just telling everyone around me, my true thoughts. In this blog I will be completly and utterly honest, for the first time, I will share my dreams, my hopes, and my fears. In this ब्लॉग I will share my soul, to complete strangers, because their is no way that I'll ever be able to do it in real life. English is not my first language and i don't think I'll ever get the hang of grammar if for no other reason then the fact that I'm the queen of run-ons, and since I'm all about honesty now my spelling sucks and at times I forget to double check things...so if you could be kind. But my words are true, my story is true(really....u might not believe me but it is), and it's not complete, it's still being written...this time by my own hands. They say that the truth shall set you free....so here's to the internate...maybe with it's help i'll finally be fully freed.

kiss kiss